To quote the late, great Catherine O’Hara, it’s my favourite season – awards. For the past 3 years I have opted to take part in the Oscar Death Race, a challenge to watch all the nominees – even the shit ones. No, being Oscar nominated does not mean you are automatically a good film. The hot cheeto origin story Flamin’ Hot was Oscar nominated in the same year Challengers was completely snubbed.
This year I am closely approaching having seen all 50 films on the list, and as the Oscars are only a few weeks away I wanted to do my ranking of the Best Picture nominees. As a disclaimer: this ranking does not necessarily align with my isolated rating of these films, but instead is based on what I think, in my humble homosexual opinion, most deserves to take home the top award on March 15th. And if your list doesn’t align with mine – deal with it. All the films here are worth watching (even F1) so go out and feast your eyes on some great cinema.
But first, let’s mourn a few films that didn’t make it to the top 10.
Films that should've been nominated over F1:
- No Other Choice
- It Was Just an Accident
- Sirāt
- Weapons
- If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
- Wake Up Dead Man
- The Ugly Stepsister
- Eddington
- Pillion
- Die My Love
- M3GAN 2.0
Anyway, now that’s out of the way, let’s get into the full list:
10. F1
Okay, I rag, but I do believe there was no need to nominate this film for Best Picture. Joseph Kosinski’s F1 is a solid dad film with some thrilling moments. However, its inclusion seems to imply the Academy really wants it to be another Top Gun: Maverick, which actually deserved its nomination – this film is nowhere near in the same league. It’s fun but the plot is thin, the characters are thinner, and it really gets by on its racing sequences, which thankfully make up the majority of the runtime. Even great performances by Damson Idris and Kerry Condon don’t elevate this beyond Sunday afternoon entertainment. Editing nom? Sure. Sound nom? Absolutely. Best Picture? Really? I guess at the very least it wasn’t Avatar: Fire and Ash.
Verdict: Fine in its own right, but it’s a shame the Academy still hates foreign films enough to shut out several other great contenders from this spot, which would have been much better promo for the likes of It Was Just an Accident or Sirāt.
Gay Rating: 2/10. Deeply heterosexual, but there are some attractive men to look at I guess.
Director: Joseph Kosinski
Cast: Brad Pitt, Damson Idris, Kerry Condon, Javier Bardem
Image: Warner Bros. Pictures, Apple Original Films
9. Frankenstein
Now, I love me some Guillermo del Toro, and a lot of his take on Frankenstein did work for me – but there’s also quite a lot that doesn’t. The production design is fantastic, and it will more than deserve its likely wins for Costume & Makeup, but the clunky elements of the script have already been memed enough to not warrant excessive discussion. No, the words “Victor – you are the real monster” did not need to be uttered, but the fantastic performances of Oscar Isaac and Jacob Elordi keep this elevated enough to warrant its spot in the Top 10. Del Toro shows enough reverence to Shelley’s text whilst injecting his own interests – particularly the Freudian kind, glass of milk anyone? – into a bold Victorian-gothic take on the much-adapted classic. And really, I will always be front-and-centre for anything del Toro makes. Is it his best work? No, Pan’s Labyrinth will likely remain forever unbeaten in his filmography. But the clear passion he has put into this film makes it an exciting and unique artistic achievement.
Verdict: Netflix needs to stop acquiring films that should really be seen on the big screen, and then maybe people would stop complaining that the image looks flat on their TV. Also, no offence but I’m glad we aren’t in the alternate universe where Andrew Garfield played the monster. He’s just a bit too… cuddly.
Gay Rating: 9/10. High camp, goth as hell, Victor represents us (close relationship with his mother, stans Mia Goth).
Director: Guillermo del Toro
Cast: Oscar Isaac, Jacob Elordi, Mia Goth, Christoph Waltz
Image: Netflix
8. Bugonia
You can read my full Bugonia review here, but like del Toro I am, though a recent convert, a disciple of the church of Yorgos Lanthimos. Bugonia is no exception as his trademark weirdness is projected onto a much smaller scale than his previous Best Picture nominee Poor Things; nonetheless his remake of the South Korean film Save the Green Planet! boasts fantastic performances from a bald Emma Stone and an Oscar-nomination-robbed Jesse Plemons delivering his finest work to date. A timely tale of social paranoia, conspiracy brainrot and evil corporations with a good old sci-fi flavour, Lanthimos presents a tense but darkly funny story about a CEO kidnapped by a conspiracy theorist who believes she is an alien. Emma Stone is nominated again for her performance, and though she won’t be lifting her third trophy this year, the film more than earns its place in the Top 10.
Verdict: The ending has been controversial, but the journey to get there is oh so fun. A tense battle of wits in a near-chamber piece, Bugonia proves Lanthimos and Stone are a professional power couple I don’t want to see break up any time soon.
Gay Rating: 7/10. Not explicit but Emma Stone’s presence bumps this up. Points down because they made Jesse Plemons look terrible. Points back up for Chappell Roan.
Director: Yorgos Lanthimos
Cast: Jesse Plemons, Emma Stone, Aidan Delbis, Alicia Silverstone
Image: Focus Features
7. Train Dreams
The first weepy on this list, Train Dreams is quite unique amongst more bombastic entries in this year’s lineup, but that doesn’t make it any less powerful. A slow, poignant tale of a logger in the early 20th-century whose life is an endless cycle of misery surrounded by the wondrous beauty of nature, Train Dreams didn’t hit me immediately but its ending had me blubbing like a baby. It’s a wonder Joel Egerton wasn’t in the Best Actor conversation, as his understated performance touches the heart. With stunning cinematography, it is again a shame that Netflix didn’t put this in cinemas for longer (boooooo tomato tomato). Also, this is the second film on this list to star Kerry Condon, which I hope indicates a trend in her career (and after starring in Night Swim, the only way is up).
Verdict: It might not have the thrills of other nominees, but Train Dreams demands a contemplative viewing and hits a universal piece of the human experience. It just feels real.
Gay Rating: 4/10. Some homoerotic friendships (being haunted by the memory of your murdered friend) but otherwise quite straight.
Director: Clint Bentley
Cast: Joel Egerton, Felicity Jones, William H. Macy, Kerry Condon
Image: Netflix
6. Hamnet
The next big weepy, you can again read my full review here. Chloé Zhao leans into the magic of the natural world for this speculative take on the origins of Hamlet. Tapping into similar themes as Train Dreams – love, loss, family, grief, and ultimately human connection – Jessie Buckley, a shoo-in for the Oscar, leads this gut-wrenching story of small-scale Shakespearean tragedy. I dare you to watch the final scene of this film and not cry your eyes out. Admittedly, it doesn’t quite capture the full depth of Maggie O’Farrell’s novel (she adapted the screenplay with Zhao), and leans a little more into on-the-nose Shakespeare references that the book smartly sidestepped, but this is a film of raw emotion and Buckley taps into that pain in an unforgettable way. Not to mention the incredible Jacobi Jupe holds the film together with his performance as the titular Hamnet. He should be arrested for emotional manipulation – the sadness in those blue eyes will melt even the coldest heart.
Verdict: The hardest I have cried at the cinema since seeing A Real Pain, Zhao continues to prove an Oscar darling with her second Best Director nomination. Now I only pray she does right by her Buffy revival (please please please please please).
Gay Rating: 8/10. Jessie Buckley is mothering, Paul Mescal makes Shakespeare sexy, and it’s about theatre. Need I say more?
Director: Chloé Zhao
Cast: Jessie Buckley, Paul Mescal, Jacobi Jupe, Emily Watson
Image: Focus Features, Universal Pictures
5. The Secret Agent
Last year’s I’m Still Here brought Brazil back to the Oscars after a twenty-year hiatus, and The Secret Agent continues their streak with another story set under the 1970s military dictatorship. Kleber Mendonça Filho’s film is a bit of an oddity, a steady drama disguising itself as a thriller, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a wholly realised, utterly compelling work. Following an academic (Best Actor nominee Wagner Moura) on the run from a mysterious political threat, the film is a tribute to the vibrant community in the city of Recife, as well as a testament to the messiness of opening old wounds and uncovering a past that could be better off left hidden. Also a nominee for the inaugural Best Casting Oscar, I think this film should absolutely take home that trophy – there isn’t a single character, regardless of screentime, who doesn’t make a memorable impression. Read my full review here, but I implore you not to let this nominee slip by.
Verdict: It probably won’t be for everyone, but I’m glad this film was recognised by the Academy. It would be a shoo-in for International Feature… if not for another film higher up this list.
Gay Rating: 5/10. Wagner Moura looks like a snack and being on the run is pretty gay if you ask me.
Director: Kleber Mendonça Filho
Cast: Wagner Moura, Carlos Francisco, Tânia Maria
Image: Vitrine Filmes, Port au Prince Films, Ad Vitam
4. Marty Supreme
Marty Supreme (full review here) is sitting at a bit of a weird place right now, having come under controversy regarding the Safdie brothers and its casting choices (noted Trumper Kevin O’Leary is, unfortunately, very good at basically playing himself). But where Uncut Gems was somehow completely passed over by the Academy, Marty Supreme has at least got the nominations it deserves, and I still think Timmy Chalamet is in line for the Oscar. Fast-paced, adrenaline pumping and soundtracked by banging anachronistic 80s tunes, this tale of youthful ambition and misplaced confidence will surely speak to a lot of people. If you ever wanted to see Timothée Chalamet and Gwyneth Paltrow fuck, you’re in luck. Also, it has one of the best opening sequences of the year, as we see Marty’s sperm impregnating Rachel (Odessa A’Zion’s) egg, before the whole thing turns into a ping pong ball. Wowzah.
Verdict: Fun, flashy and worth every penny, Marty Supreme cements Timothée Chalamet as the premier weird guy movie star, but his boyish charm makes it impossible not to root for him. I fear this will likely be the night’s biggest loser, but my God is it a good time.
Gay Rating: 7/10. Timmy getting spanked (and insisting it was his ass on camera) makes this quite gay. Also good as a reminder to be thankful we cannot experience unwanted pregnancy.
Director: Josh Safdie
Cast: Timothée Chalamet, Odessa A’Zion, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kevin O’Leary, Tyler Okonma
Image: A24
3. Sentimental Value
As a huge fan of The Worst Person in the World (still pissed it lost its rightful screenplay Oscar to BELFAST of all things) I was excited for Joachim Trier’s new drama, and it delivers in spades. Only getting better in my mind the more I think about it, Sentimental Value is a mature, emotionally-rich film about navigating parent-child relationships, coming to terms with your broken childhood and finding connection through art. All four leads – Renate Reinsve, Stellan Skarsgård, Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas and Elle Fanning – deliver stunningly nuanced performances that have netted them all Oscar nominations (but no Best Casting nom for some godforsaken reason). Yes, it’s another weepy, but there’s plenty of humour and heart here to balance it out. A sure winner of the International Feature Oscar, I think this film would be incredibly deserving of the top award next month.
Verdict: A fantastic script, lived-in performances (it’s a shame Renate Reinsve is being eclipsed by Jessie Buckley and Rose Byrne because she needs an Oscar ASAP), and a wonderful soundtrack to boot, it’s a good year for Norway (watch The Ugly Stepsister too!)
Gay Rating: 7/10. Difficult relationships with fathers. Deep-rooted family trauma. Gifting your grandson deeply inappropriate DVDs for his birthday. What’s more gay than that?
Director: Joachim Trier
Cast: Renate Reinsve, Stellan Skarsgård, Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas, Elle Fanning
Image: Mubi
2. Sinners
Now onto the big two, I’m sure pretty much everyone will agree these are the most win-competitive films on the list, and for good reason. I recently rewatched Sinners (finally in IMAX) and this might truly be the most era-defining film of the 2020s so far. It’s a little bit of everything: drama, action, thriller, horror, romance, comedy, music, all rolled into one atomic bomb of entertainment. Ryan Coogler makes his voice heard and brings on a new era for black filmmaking. But regardless of this, Sinners is fantastic in its own right, a proper vampire film with a musical twist orchestrated by the frankly genius Ludwig Göransson, and a cast of fantastic performances surrounding an Oscar-nominated dual role for Michael B. Jordan. If this film keeps getting IMAX re-releases, please go see it as it demands viewing on the biggest screen possible. Oh, it’s mighty fun to be a sinner.
Verdict: This is blockbuster filmmaking, but that doesn’t make it any less worthy of awards, and in another year I would say the Oscars were finally going to recognise an actual horror film as a worthy winner. But there’s one film that is just a bit better.
Gay Rating: 6/10. I feel like with how much is going on in this film they could’ve snuck some homosexuality in somewhere. But vampires will ALWAYS be queer-coded so it gets bumped up.
Director: Ryan Coogler
Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Wunmi Mosaku, Miles Caton, Hailee Steinfeld, Delroy Lindo
Image: Warner Bros. Pictures
1. One Battle After Another
My contender for best film of the decade so far, Paul Thomas Anderson is long, long, long overdue his first Oscar, and this seems like it will finally be his year. One Battle After Another is about as perfectly crafted as possible, with Leonardo DiCaprio proving he is as magnificent as ever as a former revolutionary who just wants to keep his daughter (a star-making debut from Chase Infiniti) safe, whilst being pursued by the villainous Colonel Steven J. Lockjaw (Sean Penn, whose delivery of the line “Do you like black girls? I love ‘em!” alone should prove single-handedly that he deserves a third Oscar). There might be some controversy if Teyana Taylor wins the Supporting Actress Oscar, but you can’t deny she is running the School of Haunting the Narrative here. Thrilling from start to finish, propelled by Jonny Greenwood’s score and a rollicking plot, Paul Thomas Anderson does what he does best by masterfully blending comedy and drama into a full-bodied action experience.
Verdict: Pertinently political without ever sacrificing entertainment value, this is the best film of the year, and should right take home the big award next month. Although any of the top 3 would be worthy winners in my eyes, it’s about time we recognised PTA as one of the greatest living filmmakers and give him his flowers.
Gay Rating: 8/10. Somehow the only film here with explicit queer representation. Willa is clearly queer. Lockjaw’s “I’M NOT GAY” deserves to be immortalised in homosexual history, along with Alana Haim’s rotted wig.
Director: Paul Thomas Anderson
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Chase Infiniti, Sean Penn, Teyana Taylor, Benecio del Toro, Regina King
Image: Warner Bros. Pictures